We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
