Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
