I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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