I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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