I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
