I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
