someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
