They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
