I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
