just tell him i said nine months
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
