Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
