Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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