I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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