Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
