i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
