sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
