I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it because I queefed?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
