do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize