This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
