Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
