So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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