i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize