I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
