I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
