um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
