Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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