What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
