READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
