dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
