I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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