She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
