he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
