Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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