I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Let's get the cat blown out
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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