I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
too bad you live with your parents still
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
