I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
