peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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