if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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