I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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