I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
