Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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