I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
