I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Your cock deserves a montage
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i out mim tonsoeep
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
