Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
