it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
