I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
