Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
