You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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