I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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