This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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