Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I will pee on everything he values.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
