I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
