Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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