I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
