apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
