when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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