I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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