i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
