I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
