on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
