I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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