dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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