There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize