Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
