i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
