I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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