CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
