I got chris browned last night
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
