he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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