we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
