Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
