I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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