Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
