so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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