he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
