have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
