Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize