I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
