my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
