or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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