My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
